Parenting coach explains how using ‘when’ instead of ‘if’ helps discipline children better



A mom and parenting coach has disclosed how utilizing “when” as a substitute of “if” for the duration of disagreements amongst father or mother and baby can make all the distinction.

On TikTok, Tia Slightham, @parentingcoach, often shares video clips detailing her procedures and techniques when it arrives to parenting and suggestions on how to remodel all those techniques.

In a clip posted previous November, Slightham uncovered a person of her ideal parenting hacks, which merely will involve switching the language made use of with children.

“If your residence sounds like this, then I wished you to make a person straightforward adjust,” she mentioned.

She went on to describe situations when parents are disciplining their children and employing the word “if” to do so. For case in point, a parent could say: “If you really don’t get all set for mattress, no books” or “If you don’t take in your supper, no dessert.”

According to Sligtham, continuously working with the word “if” could basically be executing more damage than excellent.

“Every time you say ‘if,’ you open the gate to ability struggles,” she stated. “Every time you say ‘if,’ you open the doorway to argue with your little ones to overpower your children.

“Every time you say ‘if,’ you close up choosing your tug-of-war rope up and your little ones choose up theirs to struggle you back and see who will get due to the fact we just can’t power our kids to do this,” she additional.

So alternatively of applying ‘if’, Slightham recommends switching this term to ‘when.’ As opposed to “if you don’t get all set for bed, no publications,” you could say: “when you are completely ready for mattress, we’lls do books”.

“When you are finished with your supper, then it is time for dessert,” Slightham stated, as an additional case in point of how to use this term. “When you’re all set to go, then you can inform me it is Tv time.”

This video clip has in excess of 2.3m views so considerably, with some viewers in the remarks expressing that they took Sligtham’s guidance and saw some main benefits.

“I did this and the largest shift. I permit her express herself and I genuinely listen. she is 6 and a incredibly well balanced child,” one particular wrote.

“Started carrying out this and zero electrical power struggles!” an additional wrote. “If they just take way too prolonged then we never have time for the ‘when’ issue.”

Quite a few TikTok users also agreed that working with the text “when” and “if” are both valuable in the appropriate context, a person of which reported: “When and then statements are video game changers!!! If/then statements can be effective for some children also if they are not just vacant threats & punishment.”

On the reverse side of the coin, some viewers felt that there had been some downsides to using the word “when”.

“When you finish finding all set, we have previously skipped the bus,” 1 stated. “I require something to get them relocating now, not when they’re ready.”

“With bedtime, employing ‘when’ implies they have the expectation of books when they are prepared no matter of what time it is. Not attainable,” an additional remark reads.

Speaking to The Independent, Slightham reiterated how working with “if” can make kids feel like their parents are likely to overpower them in the situation.

“Switching “if” to “when” let young ones to truly feel as however they have a preference to do what requirements to be completed so they can have the things they motivation or want to do,” she spelled out. “The notion is to guardian with no overpowering. The critical is finding out the expertise to do this morning to night time.”

“The largest pro to using this suggestion is it sets the stage for moms and dads to have young children do all the necessary matters right before they move to things they delight in,” she added. “This encourages cooperation with out acquiring to power or power battle.”

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